For the females only please

[PJ]

There are hardly any female judges in the U.K. "justice" system ("justice" is in speech marks because real justice seems to be hard to find in the U.K.). Should there be more female judges?

[TedEUsBore]

There is a lack of female judges because most women prefer not to sit on their ar5e all day playing cards in between cases.
Also, many women prefer to stay at home, holding the fort and looking after the sprogs.
Also, men in white wigs look funny, and women would not be able to stop the laughter, I mean I can't, and I'm a male judge!

Not good in serious cases such as murder.
I remember one such one, where the defendant was accused of murdering his guineapig.
As soon as the charges were read out, my laughter at those pathetic wigs (despite the fact i was wearing one myself!) could not hold and I burst out laughing.
in case your wondering, it turned out that the guineapig had not been brutally murdered with a knife and that the guineapig had simply gone into hibernation for the winter and had accidently knocked over a bottle of tomato sauce. The blood on the guineapig was simply Heinz, and as was the blood on the knife. The reason there was a knife next to the guineapig was that the guineapig simply kept it by his side for protection after all the articles on murder he read in the local papers.

[sum1]

idiot

[TheJudge]

sum1, YOU are an idiot. A real disphit.

Anyway, a recent case was frought with laughter. Let me explain...

There was a man accused of murdering his wife. The evidence: she hadn't been seen since 2007. There was blood all over the house, and an axe smeared with bloodstains, plus bones hidden in the cupboard under the stairs. It looked like an open and shut case, especially when a sample of the blood was tested and found to belong to Mr Perplexing's wife.

However, in a truly perpelxing case, events began to unfold that pointed to his innocence.

The bones in the cupboard turned out to be pig bones, and most of the blood on the wall was from the pigs. The axe was to kill the pigs. For Mr Perplexing had opened up an abitoir when his wife left him in 2007 for another man. The blood sample tested was in fact from a wound when she cut her finger whilst slicing carrots during the making of a pot of stew.

The funny thing was, during the case, Mr Perplexing's wife returned after realising she didn't love her fling and wanted her husband back.. She didn't know about the secret abatoir until she stumbled on it by accident one day whilst looking for a lost sock. She screamed when confronted with pigs blood, pigs body parts and bones - for she was a vegan! How we laughed at this news!

Anyway, so Mr Perplexing's wife was obviously alive, so the case was dropped. But his wife was admitted to a psychiatric hospital for having the mental ilnness of vegan-ness. She later went on to abuse animals (as most vegans do).